Brotherly Love

There's no other love like the love for a brother. There's no other love like the love from a brother. ~Astrid Alauda

Ha Ha.  Brotherly love or so they say.  How about brotherly torment at such a young age?  In my house my two boys are constantly getting under the other ones skin.  I laugh and say I have the instigator and the informer in my house, and which one they are depends on what is happening at the time.

I remember growing up with my little brother (oh, and he's not so anymore little 6'5" 250lbs.)  He and I fought like cats and dogs.  And like my children now, there were very few times that we actually got along.  My poor mother had to endure countless times of "Mom, Marty stole my....., Mom, Sis hit me."  My mother, no matter how irritated would say, "One day you will become the best of friends, even though you don't like each other that much now."  Of course, neither Marty or I believed that.

As an adult, I have to say, I think my baby brother is one of the most admirable men in the world.  He is compassionate, sensitive, extremely loyal and above all else an amazing father and husband. We may not talk every day, but I know above all else, in my time of need, he will drop everything to make sure my family and me are okay.  It was a long time in the making, but I have so much respect and love for my little brother.

Now as I listen to my two boys yell and argue and torment each other, I am so reminded of my brother and I.  I hear myself saying the same things to them that my mother told us.  And like Marty and me, Tyler and Josh roll their eyes and look at me like I have two heads.  I can only pray, that when they are older, their bond is as strong as two brothers can be and they carry it on through their legacy.  

Our Journey

I can't believe it has been 4 months since I wrote on my blog.  If you look back at some of my posts, I was a daily blogger...kind of a scrap book of our lives.  It was such a great way to document what was happening, funny, serious, sad, happy whatever...Though it seems that my outlet, became far from the most important thing in my life.  Well, I've made a promise to myself to try to at least blog on a weekly basis.  I have printed each of these out and have a collection of writings so that my boys, one day, can share with their children. 

Life is really starting to come together for us.  It's been a rough road in the last year, but I have shown my boys how to survive the hard stuff and with your faith and good friends you can make it through anything.  What more could I ask? 

Update on the boys...Tyler is finishing up his 5th grade year...Can you believe he was FIVE when I started writing this thing?  He is such an amazing kid.  Smart, caring and still a momma's boy (but don't ever let him hear me say that - cuz he wil DENY, DENY, DENY.)  He is definitely cut from the same cloth I am, and that can be good and bad.  Against my mother's belief, I may have talked a lot growing up, but it was hard for me to make friends.  I was always worried what people thought and I missed out on a lot because of that.  In Tyler, I see the same thing.  He wants so bad to be involved, yet his own insecurity sometimes hold him back. 

Joshy - he is five now and wide open.  He is definitely a guys guy and thank God for my 300 big brothers, because they truly are his heroes.  The guys  I work with have really embraced my boys, and Joshua, specifically has benefited from them. He really is the firehouse kid, that when he sees the rigs, with their lights and sirens, his eyes are as big as saucers.  Those who have spent time with him, have become very important to my sweet, little boy...and I am FOREVER grateful to them.

To the outside world, with the exception of my divorce, my life doesn't appear to have changed much. I am still me, working, with two boys.  But to those who know my heart and soul, they will tell you I have grown in leaps and bounds.  I have had to get back my confidence, put my best foot forward and show (and my boys) the world I could do it. I have learned to trust, really trust, a select few people with my life...and that in itself is an accomplishment.  Trust is a very hard thing for me but I am beginning to do so more and more.  I remember a friend of mine once told me, "I have known you for  years, and I don't really know you.  You keep everyone at a safe distance and not allow them in."  I have made a conscious effort to not be like that any more.  Life is not worth living if you don't have good friends in it. 

All in all, its been an interesting path, full of twists and turns, ups and downs and nonetheless surprises in every direction.  I look forward to seeing where the roads lead us and have faith that whatever it is, will leave me breathless at every point.